Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
