Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
