I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
