Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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