You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
