i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
