i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
