i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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