ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
