He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
