weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
