I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
