how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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