he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It was confusing and full of hummus
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
