if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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