i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
