Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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