Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
