I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
