I want you more than these girls want KFC
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
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