New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
