They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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