my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize