I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
