Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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