so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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