she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
