The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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