can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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