For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
