3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
