I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
