Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
