i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
