so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
