I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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