I accidentally had phone sex last night
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
