I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize