so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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