Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
