So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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