my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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