Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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