have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
