theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
