so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
