I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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