i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
