first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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