Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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