sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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