White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
