Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
