My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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