Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
