I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize