Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
