I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
