I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
