i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
