help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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