saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
